Read this if you have Daddy Issues

Can you help me by letting know which version you enjoyed better?

The first draft is why I wrote unedited and the section one is AI proofread and revised. I’m trying to experience to see if you like it raw and unedited by a more “polished” version.

Throughout my life I’ve been fortunate enough to meet so many incredible human beings who have struggled with daddy issues. (I know what a corny hook but it got you to click on this article didn’t it :P). See the $5k YT Academy course was worth it. :P

My wife suggested for us to watch this Chinese show on Viki called Go ahead where it displays these two fathers- 1 was widowed and the other one his wife left him because they were dealing with depression because she blamed the son for killing her daughter because she choked on a walnut and died.

Anyways, it was heart warming because it showed a loving present father who was around and unlike the traditional wanting your kid to be successful at the cost of their kid’s mental health.

Not to ruin the show too much if you are interested in watching it some point in the future. Growing up most of my life without a father around has been difficult and I somehow attract a lot of people through my content and my energy perhaps who struggle with many similar issues. So it was really nice to see a show where it showed a different side of fatherhood that I haven’t seen portrayed before.

For context, my father left one day without really saying a word and moved to California when I was a Sophomore in high school.

 I’m making this content for anyone who has been really hard on their dads or they father did “meet expectations” in terms of what you want for in a dad.

 I know that this can be a sensitive topic for most but I want to make this because a lot of Vietnamese families especially with people around my age and many of my friend group has also experienced sometime similar.

 Not having a father around was difficult because of the expectations that a father should be present or should be able to chip in financially. I’m fortunate that I have a father in law who definitely helps out a lot in terms of traditional Chinese father values in terms making sure their daughters are supported financially.

 What’s not talked about that I would like to double click is the emotional support that comes with being a parent and the challenges that many Asian Americans deal with. I just watched a video where this famous YouTuber named Jimmy Zhang paid for his parents mortgage. They grew up poor in NYC and he grew up with his parents wanting what’s best for him and really pushed him to get a normal internship and work in a typical corporate job. They taught he was wasting himself life and that this YouTuber phase would go away and that ultimately its not really a real career. During this video, he proceeded to teach his audience while we are wiping away our tears because its so related when he was trying to teach everyone a lesson to follow your dreams to become a world class YouTuber where he gets to travel the world. He also talked openly about how his parents hit him and his parents weren’t on speaking terms because she thought it was good to talk about that.

He of course learned to forgive his parents because like we all eventually realize they did the best they did with the knowledge they knew.

Can everyone make it as a YouTuber with million of subscribers and millions of views on every video?

No, I’m not saying that at all but Jimmy teaches us a good lesson in following your passion. The moment the parents cried in the video was so heart warming because you can tell how proud she is and the amount of stress that was relieved when she read the mortgage pay off letter that Wells Fargo gave her.

Her mother said that intuitively its good timing and that his commitment, work ethic, and intelligence is what made him successful which are very accurate assessments of what he did right in order to achieve the level of fame he did.

 He then proceeded to talk about how his dad was never really good at showing emotions and his mom said your father is very proud of you even if he doesn’t say it out loud.

This reminded me of when my dad would ask things how much does your house cost? Of course, its easy to get triggered when your dad is not around then he goes bragging about how many houses he has and how he’s “doing well”. My sisters and I of course were triggered because imagine not really having a relationship with your father and then he comes back to visit less than a handful of times in 21 years and acts like nothing has happened.

 Luckily because of the Landmark training and doing a lot of emotional intelligence work. I was able to acknowledge and process that he really did the best with the limited tools and resources he’s had. As many older Asian Americans would say. You don’t have time to be depressed if you are busy working trying to put a roof over your head. Dr. Chao one of my mentors when I was pre dental in college working as a dental assistant at Rutgers would say who has time to be sad if you are busy on the go. Well that may  be true to a certain extent. I do think that its healthy to process your emotions and that it is healthy to go about processing these things.

 Not to mention any names, but some of my kids are so stuck in the past. I have been guilty of this as well. I was angry at my father that I wouldn’t seven attend his funnel that’s how much resentful I had for him.

 When he stayed over my place living in the 4th floor loft of our newly purchased Townhouse in New Jersey. I remember judging him for paying so many video games on his phone. He couldn’t sit still and be able to have a normal conversation. I then realized how many of the addictive personal traits we share in common. If we are judging people for their perceived “negative” traits we should judge them for their positive traits as well.

Dad: I love you and I’m grateful that you took care of us. You said its so painful to not be in our lives anymore. Well, I want to let you know that I do love you and I miss you too. I want you to live a happy life and I know you aren’t getting any younger. I hope to do make time to come back to New Jersey sometime so that its not every 5 years we see each other briefly. I’m sorry that life didn’t turn out the way you had planned and I am grateful that you took care of us when we were younger. You didn’t have to be around. You taught me the value in doing business. Being kind to strangers. You bought us many video games and you tried to take care of us the way you knew how to which was to spoil us by taking us to buffets every week. Those memories at Old Town Buffet and Old Country Buffet was some of the most cherished memories together. Going to Disneyland, Universal Studio Hollywood, and Seaworld were also so memory that I went about in the 5th grade year book when asked What is the happiest day of your life?

 Healing the past takes time and it’s not always easy but it’s so worth it. Remember not to be so hard on yourself as well if you are holding onto resentment. There is a reason why these emotions and memories are so triggering for most. We spend so much of our energy and time with family. Especially in Asian American culture which we are pushed and pulled between trying to value independence but at the same time needing to respect the elders because of the wisdom and community values that Asians have.

Let me know if this helpful and if you have any questions. I’m an open book. I would’ve love to share more about my healing journey in hopes that it inspires you to heal and move on and stop holding onto the past. Subscribe to the newsletter for additional content around this type of content designed to inspire to think deeply about your values and some elements around forgiveness and self expression.

Version 2: which is the CHATGPT edited one.

Revised Hook:

If you've ever felt the weight of unmet expectations from your father or struggled with "daddy issues," this article is for you. Whether you're seeking healing or understanding, I hope to share my journey and offer insights that might resonate with you. Let's explore how media, culture, and personal experiences can shape our perspectives on fatherhood and healing.

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Article:

Throughout my life, I’ve been fortunate to meet many incredible human beings. Recently, my wife suggested we watch a Chinese show on Viki called Go Ahead. The show portrays two fathers—one widowed, the other abandoned by his wife after she blamed their son for the accidental death of their daughter.

The show was heartwarming because it depicted a loving, present father who prioritized his child's well-being over traditional expectations of success. This portrayal was refreshing, especially for someone like me who grew up without a father around.

I won’t spoil the show, but I will say that it was deeply moving for me. Growing up without a father was difficult, and I find that I attract people who struggle with similar issues. It was nice to see a different side of fatherhood, one that I hadn’t seen portrayed before.

For context, my father left one day without saying a word and moved to California when I was a sophomore in high school. I’m writing this for anyone who has been hard on their dad or whose father didn’t meet their expectations.

I know this can be a sensitive topic, especially in Vietnamese families. Many of my friends have had similar experiences. Not having a father around was challenging because of the expectations that fathers should be present and contribute financially. I’m fortunate to have a father-in-law who embodies traditional Chinese father values and ensures his daughters are supported financially.

What’s not often talked about, and what I want to emphasize, is the emotional support that comes with being a parent and the unique challenges many Asian Americans face. I recently watched a video by a famous YouTuber named Jimmy Zhang, who paid off his parents’ mortgage. They grew up poor in NYC, and his parents pushed him toward a conventional career path, believing his YouTube career was just a phase. In the video, Jimmy teaches a valuable lesson about following your dreams, even as we wipe away tears watching his parents’ reaction to the mortgage payoff letter.

His mother’s words resonated with me: "Your father is very proud of you, even if he doesn’t say it out loud." This reminded me of my dad, who, despite being absent, would still ask me about material things, like how much my house cost. It’s easy to get triggered when someone who wasn’t around suddenly wants to brag about their success.

Fortunately, through Landmark training and emotional intelligence work, I’ve been able to process my feelings and acknowledge that my dad did the best he could with the resources he had. Like many older Asian Americans, he likely believed that there wasn’t time to be sad if you were busy working to put a roof over your head. But I believe it’s important to process emotions, even if it’s difficult.

I’ve been guilty of holding onto anger and resentment, even to the point of not wanting to attend my father’s funeral. But I’ve learned to forgive and move forward. When my dad stayed with us in New Jersey, I remember judging him for playing so many video games on his phone, unable to have a normal conversation. I realized later how much we had in common, including our addictive personalities. If we’re going to judge others for their perceived negative traits, we should also acknowledge their positive traits.

Dad, I love you, and I’m grateful for everything you did for us. I know life didn’t turn out the way you planned, but I want you to know that I love you and miss you. I hope we can see each other more often. Thank you for taking care of us when we were younger and for the memories we shared.

Healing the past takes time, and it’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re holding onto resentment. There’s a reason these emotions and memories are so triggering. We spend so much time and energy with family, especially in Asian American culture, where we’re caught between valuing independence and respecting our elders.

TLDR Summary:

This article explores the emotional complexities of fatherhood, particularly within Asian American families, and the challenges of growing up without a present father. Inspired by a Chinese TV show and a YouTuber's touching story, I reflect on my journey of forgiveness and healing. If you've ever struggled with unmet expectations from your father, this piece may offer comfort and insight.